Meeting our Heaven-Bound Baby

Tim and Jordan 1994

I slid into the salon chair, hung my jacket and purse on the spur-like cowboy hook, and glanced at my long-time hairdresser in the mirror. After more than 15 years of having her beautify my hair, we never lack for conversation.

Our families are at the heart of our conversation because, well, because we are mothers! Other than Jesus, is there anything closer to a mother’s heart than her family? All the plans we’ve made with them and the precious times we’ve shared with the greatest blessings God has given us highlight the afternoon. Often we share Scripture to encourage each other or show one another a whimsical quote/cartoon found on Facebook. And, of course we keep up with each others’ latest activities and newest adventures.

Tim and Jordan 1994

                             Our sons Tim and Jordan in 1994


This last appointment, though, was an eye opener. A complete U turn for me. It took me back to the early years of our marriage. Thirty four years ago. The reminiscing tip-toed into a delicate area of my heart. One I rarely discuss. Marriage, Miscarriage, and Grief.

As I shared with my friend the joys I felt knowing that at last I was carrying the baby we had longed for, my eyes pooled with tears I thought were spent long ago. It was a memorable time when the doctor announced my pregnancy test was positive. Hubby and I rejoiced and then quickly shared the news with both of our mothers who were living with us at the time.

A special lunch was planned and tee shirts were made for each of our parents that said, “God made me a Grandmother.” We beamed and they cried as we gifted them with their present and the news.

But our joy was short-lived. A little more than eight weeks into the pregnancy, a searing pain that felt like flesh tearing away from my lower abdomen wall flashed through my body. I breathed softly and slowed down my walking.  Within moments it passed and I prayed that it was just the way I moved. I promised myself to be more careful.

In a couple of days, the bleeding began and we feared the worst was happening. I called my doctor and took every precaution necessary to save our baby’s life–to save our dream. Bed rest, someone to help with housework, and another to care for the grandmother who had come to live with us because she had cancer.

Despite all of our efforts, the bleeding continued for days. But I held onto the hope that one of our dearest friends had bled considerably when she was 6 months pregnant yet her baby girl was protected and born healthy.

Because of complications, it took the doctors another month and an ultrasound to determine for sure that I had miscarried.

When my friend, the hairdresser, heard our story she showed me this special site called “What to”. I wept at the gift God was giving me through my friend. With the miracle of technology I was able to see “Our Baby!” At least it was what our baby looked like at 8 weeks old and the site excitingly explained all the different parts of Our Baby’s development.

My mother-heart reached out to the image on the screen, “meeting” for the first time the image of our little one. Tears still coursing through furrows on my now wrinkled face, I thanked my hairdresser for the precious gift she and God had just given me. I could hardly wait to go home and show hubby.

In God’s perfect plan, I never became pregnant again, but God blessed our lives with two of the liveliest boys who filled our lives with joys, adventures, misadventures, and blessings we never could have had on our own. Our two adopted sons are now young adult men who make us proud and continue to bless our lives.

God’s plans and ways may not be our ways, but they are Perfect!

Today is Sanctity of Life Sunday. I hope your church service touched on this subject today. Take a moment to thank God for the gift of life because He created you precious and worthwhile in His image. And thank Him for the gift of your children.

For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
    How vast is the sum of them!Psalm 139:13-17 NIV

The link to “What to Expect”–

From My Heart to Yours,

Linking with Sunday Stillness, Monday Musings, Playdates with God, The Beauty in His Grip, Soli Deo Gloria, Women 2 Women Ministries, Word-Filled Wednesdays, Faith-Filled Friday



32 thoughts on “Meeting our Heaven-Bound Baby

  1. Janis, that is such a touching story. I’ve never experienced miscarriage, but I know others who have. I can’t say, “I know how you feel,” because I don’t, but I do know the pain of loss and I can only imagine how difficult that was for you. But praise God for your two wonderful and I’m sure, handsome sons. God is good.

    • Thank you, Mary, for your compassion and understanding. God had a beautiful plan for my husband and I~and we were able to shower two special boys with our love. God’s ways are perfect.

  2. Oh Janis, I heard your heart through your writing. Although I truly wanted children, I was unable to conceive. However my sister had many miscarriages. I think I will refer her to the website you mentioned in this post. Sending you hugs today.

    Blessings and love,

    • Dear Debbie,
      All types of infertility bring grief whether it’s not being able to conceive or miscarriages. I know it was a loss in your life as well, and God has blessed you with all those little children you work with each day to share your love. Thank you for stopping by.

  3. Pingback: GOOD MORNING MONDAYS #16 | Darling Downs Diaries

  4. Love this scripture. Thank you for sharing your heart so boldly – a story most women can relate to. So hard losing a little one you haven’t even met yet and losing part of our life’s dream with them.

    • Hi Kathryn~Thank you for your stopping by to read about the blessing God gave me–a “sacred surprise.” (I think Sacred Surprises is the name of a book I once read in part. Enlightening about how God worked in people’s lives through what seemed bitter trials.) Thank you for your empathy in understanding how difficult this trial is in many women’s lives. We are blessed for the children He gave us.

  5. I knew before I even started reading these words that I would weep with you. I am so happy to hear that you have found healing in this sadness, even years later. Hugs to you.

  6. Praise God! You are truly an inspiration! May God continue to bless your family. Thank you for giving 2 forgotten boys a momma to love them.

    • Julie~thank you for your kind comment. It’s a blessing to have been chosen to nurture and love these boys into adulthood.

  7. Oh I know this pain of losing a child, the first one, the second one and yes even the seventh one. Six miscarriage, finally a little girl walks this earth, then another miscarriage, and then a boy to carry on the name. I love the site you mention, will add it to my list of resources for I get a lot of opportunity to help young women. What courage it took to adopt and how blessed you are to have two boys from that courage. After our third miscarriage we put in for adoption in the state of Mo. They had set the date for our home visit when my husband of 26 had a massive heart attack which put him in the hospital for a month. His heart was damaged so he could no longer pass a medical required by the state, end of the journey. Those were hard years but we survived. The first thing I wanted to know when I got saved at 35 was where were those children I lost. I love telling women I have seven in heaven along with my two here. This was a sweet post. Glad I stopped by.

    • Oh Betty~your story of losses, one right after another seems unbearable. And then your husband’s heart attack at such a young age. Praise God for blessing you with two precious children here on earth. I’m sure you’re looking forward to meeting those seven in heaven. Thank you for sharing your poignant story. God bless you!
      From My Heart to Yours,

  8. Oh the pain of loosing a child, yet you were able to meet the babe through the ultra-sound. What a joy to have two boys, now young men to call you Mom.
    My daughter lost her first baby and although I do not understand all the pain, yet we wept together knowing our boy was in heaven. God was gracious and later gave her a girl, now an adult. Your hairdresser is a real friend !! Thank you for sharing at “Tell me a True Story.”

    • Hazel~thank you for sharing about your daughter’s loss and the blessing of a baby girl that God gave her later. I hope this story blesses others with hope and the ability to allow God’s plans and purposes to be fulfilled in their lives.
      From My Heart to Yours,

  9. Janis, having miscarried myself, my heart feels for you. Yet how wonderful that God brought 2 boys who needed you for their mom. We know our God holds every detail of our lives in His hands. This post was so beautiful & expresses the heart of many a woman. I am more amazed as the post I wrote for tomorrow uses this same portion of Scripture. I wrote the post on Monday. I so marvel when God works in this way. Most grateful to be here tonight! May God’s many blessings continue to be on you & your family!

    • Thank you, Joanne. Your words bless me abundantly! It is amazing how God speaks the same word through more than one of us in the same week. I love it. Thank you for being here my friend.
      From My Heart to Yours,

  10. Janice, thank you so much for sharing your heart with us. Love the blessing God gave you through your hairdresser and friend. And I did want to share that our pastor gave a wonderful message for Sanctity of Life Sunday. His entire message was actually devoted to this.
    Blessings to you, friend.

    • Beth, so sweet of you to visit! I love hearing from you and all that the Lord is doing in your life. Amazing! God sure surprised me with the blessing He gave me that day. I’ve seen photos of babies in the womb at different stages but this one with an ultrasound made my baby come to life and I teared up. It was like God had completed a part of my heart.
      Glad to hear that your pastor spoke on the Sanctity of Life. So important.
      From My Heart to Yours,

  11. Your words just teared through my heart: God’s plans and ways may not be our ways, but they are Perfect!
    It has taken me long to learn, and I’m still yet learning. But His ways are better than my ways because His ways are perfect!
    Thank you for the sweet pain 🙂

    • Joanna~thank you so much for stopping by. It means so much to me that you took the time to read my post from Heart-Filled Moments on Facebook. Thank you, too, for your wise words that God’s plans are Perfect. I think we learn that a little more each day. Please come by again.
      From My Heart to Yours,

  12. Such a hard place from which to share but I love how God uses these difficult seasons of life to comfort others with the comfort we receive from him.

    • Melody~it’s so true that God uses our trials and the comfort we have received to comfort others. It adds a sweetness to the bitterness we experienced and helps us to accept those times of pruning and growing that God has for us. I pray the words I share here will enlighten, encourage, inspire, and comfort others.
      From My Heart to Yours,

  13. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. It is never easy to hope and be let down in this search for our children. Your journey sounds full of heartache and loss that could break a mother’s heart. What a blessing to see this little baby on the screen and have some comfort. I’m sure he or she is loving you from heaven. God bless you and your family!

    • Jenni~Thank you for your understanding. It was quite an unexpected blessing to see an ultrasound of a baby at 8 weeks and to suddenly realize God was giving me a glimpse of my baby that I will someday meet in heaven. In the meantime, God provided two loving sons to raise for Him. We had all the hairy moments of parenthood along with the joys.
      Thank you for stopping by, Jenni.
      From My Heart to Yours,

  14. Thank you for sharing this part of your life, Janis. After I lost our middle daughter, I had poignant moments like that too with sometimes the most unlikely people. Memorable people now. I do thank God for the gift of all life, both the lives of my daughters still here (my baby turns 20 today!) as well as my Kali in heaven already.

    • Lisa~Thank you for sharing. These are touching moments in our lives that we will never forget. And how gracious of God to create a God-incident where we can see His hand print in and on our lives.
      Happy birthday to your 20-year-old daughter!
      From My Heart to Yours,

  15. Dear Terri,
    Thank you for your tender thoughts regarding the past pain we went through in the miscarriage of our young baby. As I read your journey, though, I realized how much deeper your grief and pain must have been for you to lose your daughter at 26 weeks–so close to being held in your arms and entering this world.
    God does work all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28), although we may not comprehend it at the time.
    I loved your words that said we may not know God’s reasons until we get to heaven, and then it won’t matter–my husband says that often!
    Thank you for your invitation to link up with “Good Morning Mondays at Darling Downs Diaries.” I just left a link up there.
    A blessing to meet you here, Terri.
    From My Heart to Yours,

    • Thank you, Ceal! I marvel at God’s perfect timing for this story to be told. For the Lord to have touched my heart and revealed to a degree the reality of our baby through my friend. It was like reaching into eternity to heal a piece of myself, to make a connection I never expected in this life.
      I love you my forever friend!

  16. My mothers heart is crying for you and the journey that you have traveled. It is also rejoicing with you that you have been able to adopt 2 beautiful boys, what a blessing they must be. Sometimes it is hard to understand Gods plan for our lives and why He allows us to go through these things. In our journey we had 3 children then a miscarriage then another baby and then we lost a daughter at 26 weeks gestation. During these times of sorrow and joy I have always thought that God lets these things happen for a reason, what we don’t always know and may never know until we get to heaven and then it won’t matter any more. There is one thing I can be sure of though and that is that God has us in His hands. Thank you for sharing your heart I really appreciate it. If you could I would love it if you could link up at Good Morning Mondays at Darling Downs Diaries. Blessings to you and your family.

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